nostalgia

for some odd reason, my parents have come to nag me more than ever the past week and on. why? (go on ask me.) answer: i have no freaking idea. first of all, my dad gets mad when i dont have enough extracurricular mumbo jumbo because he wants me to get into a good university. so, i do water polo and swim my sophomore year. my grades slip a bit. i do half a season of polo junior year, and i’m out. my dad wants me to focus on my academic career. no extracurricular stuff so i could get my grades up. then he gets mad again that i don’t have extracurriculars. okay, so now senior year, i load up on them. i got aoj; mock trials; club cabinet member: president of roots and shoots, secretary of mock trials, historian of vas; buncha vas stuff: mustang chorale, jazz&jive, honor chorale, and full effect; and a brbc youth leader. i fill up on them to put on my college apps to please my parents. and yet again, i’m nagged at. and for what this time? because i “don’t have a relationship with my family.” thanks ma, thanks pa. way to load on more pressure. so, not only am i trying to satisfy my super already overlapping schedule, calm my senioritis, qualify for csf with decent grades, and balance church activities, but now i must entertain my family. wow, thanks. i know you don’t want me to end up like my brothers. i get it. i know you don’t want me to have an “attitude problem.” i get it. i know you don’t want me to stay out late. i get it. i know you don’t want me to “wear myself out.” i get it. i know you don’t want me to do a lot of things but ma, pa, times have changed. i completely understand you want the best things in life for me but, my generation handles things much more differently than yours does. everything is much more challenging. if i want to get anywhere in life, i need to bust my @$$ off. i can’t do it how you did it. everything is much more complicted than what you think. it’s not what it seems. i know i may come off strong and seem as if i’m being disrespectful but please let me live my life the way i NEED to. it’s really not as easy as it sounds. if we were to trade places i’m sure you’d be surprised. i know i may come off strong but, this is the 21st century and things have changed. things have really changed. please try to understand.

i want to quit. i’m too involved in school and would like to quit all of the extracurricular activities that i am presently aquainted with. i don’t want to be the president of roots and shoots. i don’t want to be secretary of mock trials club. i don’t want to be historian of vocal arts society. i don’t want to be in mustang chorale, jazz&jive, honors chorale, or full effect. i don’t want to be riley roberts in mock trials. i don’t want to kill myself barely getting a b in ap classes. i don’t want to anymore. i’m tired. i’d like to quit to be separated from all my worries. i don’t want to burn myself out. i want second semester to just end. i’m tired.

i just want to get my relationship with God right. get it stronger. make it tighter. that’s what i want.

happy new year.