nostalgia

i’m still not over it. honestly, that movie was THE mother fucking shit! i love transformers.

in all honesty, i really enjoy summer break. even when i don’t do anything at all. i guess i’m one of those people who find comfort in lazily lying down on the couch channel surfing, eating whatever can be found at home, as the sun gently sweeps the face and parts of the leg. or lay around and watch the dog sleep as he twitches here and there from bizarre dreams. it may sound terribly boring but, i like it. don’t get me wrong, i totally enjoy being out with my friends and spend pocketfulls of cash and laughter over things that aren’t funny when alone but, i think that now that i realize i’m not going to be able to do these lazy lay-arounds anymore, my sentimental side has learned to really cherish it. silly i know, but it makes sense. well at least to me it does. especially like, in the morning when the sun first greets you by stretching it’s rays through small cracks of the curtain and leaves a sheer layer of warmth on your face as hues of red and swirls of blue and yellow can be seen through closed eyelids. yeah, i like that. it’s like God is saying “hello mayzie, i hope you had good nights rest”. anyway, i don’t know why i’m rambling. goodnight. sleep tight. don’t let the bed bugs bite.

i’m praying that i will follow through with this. God please help me in college. i can’t do it alone.

so like, i think it’s hitting me. i honestly thought it wouldn’t but it’s really finally hitting me. i’m sad. and as much as i hate to admit it, i am going to miss high school. i guess i like to just put on this mask of indifference but sitting in my room In the silence and reading what people wrote to me makes me reflect on my “indifference”. yeah, i’m gonna miss it. but not only because of friends and what not but the content. high school was easy. and now that i’m going to the real world, i’m gonna have to find my own way around. “be on my own two feet”. it scares me. like really really scares me. i’m only a baby. i never really gave myself the chance to grow up. i’m scared of failure. sure i’ve gotten a d before but like, that was only high school. college is like real. it’s the freaking real deal. what’s gonna happen if i get a d in “real life”? i’m so scared. i’m not excited anymore. i’m like anticipating the day i set foot on irvine soil as a freshman. maybe i’m overreacting. maybe. or maybe i’m just scared to actually try.